I gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut

I heard the funniest thing today . . . an old friend of my husband's family said "my feet are big so they fit in my big mouth."

That is my new sentence to live by. Because I have incredibly large feet. And a significantly bigger mouth.

I have been pondering myself lately. I was raised to first criticize myself, then decide how harshly to judge others. I also carry this into situations of conflict, whether they be mine or other's conflicts. I do this to the point of annoyance and hatred sometimes, especially when others come to me with their problems. I always look for what the complainer (whether that's me or someone else) did to aggravate the situation before I judge the other person or situation with bad behaviour. It is both a strength and a weakness, I acknowledge it and I am trying so hard not to do it at inappropriate times, yet I swear it's ingrained in my DNA and it will never go away.

Not keeping my mouth shut is my other HUGE. GLARING. PROBLEM. I am good at keeping secrets . . . my problem is I pick and choose which ones are juicier and more fun to share and just make myself feel better by saying "DON'T TELL ANYONE." Yeah right. It's really a girl thing I guess . . . but for me it's more than that.

My poor husband doesn't understand it. He doesn't yet understand that he has to threaten me with a large steak knife and say "DO NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE WE HAD THIS DISCUSSION" before I'll actually get that it's not something I should blab to everyone.

The other day a close friend said "please don't do what you usually do and say you won't tell anyone and then go ahead and tell them all. This is something I want to keep quiet." I'm proud to say that I have not slipped once with that one. I am making progress, see?!?!

I do try to be sensitive, I do try not to share very personal things. I try so hard. Sometimes they just slip out! They just do. It's all with good intent . . . or to get a good laugh. But not usually. I have a good heart, that fact I know. I'm not cruel and I'd never share someones secret to hurt them on purpose. But sometimes I know it does and I feel SO BAD about it.

I know a lot of the people who's feelings I hurt don't read this here blog. But to those who do, I do apologize if I've ever said too much about you and hurt your feelings. I'm trying to work on it, I really truly am. I really only tell my closest girlfriends this kind of stuff anyway. I swear. There just happens to be like, ten of them. But I'm trying not to. I'm doing better. Baby steps are being taken in the right direction!

I think I did it again today though. Not to any of you who read this blog. I did it to someone who truly annoys me and drives me BONKERS and who I may someday go into a full on rant about ON this blog. . . but it may just come back to bite me in the butt. It wasn't a big secret or anything, just stupid, funny gossip. But I still may hear about it later. If I do, I'll man up and apologize, but the damage may be done because I blabbed to someone who has a bigger blabber than me.

Memo to me: try to tell gossipy stories to someone who talks LESS than you, not more.

Memo to you: Hit me with a large post after you tell me a secret. And aim well, so you hit the memory part of my brain. Wherever that is.