I'm actually terribly timid

There is a song called "Shy" from a not-so-famous musical called "Once Upon a Mattress" in which the lead character dances and belts at the top of her lungs that she's
"just as embarrassed as you
And I can understand your point of view
I've always been SHY
I confess that I'm SHY
Can't you guess that this confident air
Is a mask that I wear 'cause I'm SHYYYY"
And it's basically a mockery of shyness. It's a great song, though slightly obnoxious if you don't like a purely belted song.

But, this leads me to the point of my post.

There was a time, or actually a very long time basically spreading from the moment of my birth until about five years ago, when I was not shy in any way, shape or form. My mother tells stories of me hanging out of shopping carts at the grocery store screaming "Hi! Hi! Hi. HIIIIIII" until the person I was speaking to had no choice but to respond. I'd wander off all the time and find the nearest stranger and strike up a conversation. I remember TELLING my mother, after we saw "Cats" for the first time that I could sing just like Grizabelle the Glamour Cat in her rendition of "Memory." And I truly believed it. I could do anything. I could BE anything. Looking back I can't believe what a self-assured, confident little person I was.

Honestly, I blame/thank my mother. My birthday is New Year's Eve, and until I was about five, I was told, and honestly believed that the fireworks and parties and hoop-la was for MY birthday. I was convinced that the whole world was celebrating ME. I was devastated when I discovered that New Year's Eve was a world-wide celebration of THE NEW YEAR, but I think that it truly helped form the confident person I became.

Then something happened . . . I guess it crept up slowly through the years. A bit of self consciousness here and there slowly oozed it's way into my life. I found myself becoming shy in the weirdest situations. For example, I am a trained Broadway style singer (thus the "Once Upon a Mattress" reference). I have years and years of voice training and acting and all of that under my belt. Yet, I am terrified to sing in front of small crowds, especially when they are filled with people I know. I have NO problem singing to a huge auditorium, but put me in a room with my family and ask me to sing a Christmas song and I FREAK OUT. I myself readily admit it is the weirdest thing.

I now find myself hiding in my shell more, hiding from confrontation and not wanting to "put myself out there" and meet tons of new people. And it's SO STRANGE to me! Because I know how I used to be!

I am trying to figure out how to get some of my carefree, non-shy self back. I liked that person! I liked the girl who truly believed she could do anything. Who tried to make friends with everyone she encountered. Who didn't understand and had to fix it when someone didn't like her. I am also trying to find this person for the new responsibilities in my job. I am now responsible for lead generation for our sales team. This is going to require my "putting myself out there" a lot more. And I'm scared. Hold me.

I guess I have two questions for the bloggy world. First, does this happen to everyone? Do we all become more and more shy and reserved as we become adults? Second, do you have advice on how to overcome it when necessary? Truly, I'm dying to know. Spill!

Flying High

So, I don't really like to use my blog to brag about myself or talk about how awesome my life is, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, my life is great, but I happen to think the humor and humanness of a good life is found in the mishaps and the insecurities and other such things. I don't ever want to be that person who sends the Holiday letter full of bragging about how amazing they are and how brilliant their children are and how much better the whole family is than the rest of the world. It's just not my bag.

BUT

Today I was pulled into my boss' office to talk about my yearly review.

I had a pretty good year. I was finally promoted from my executive admin position and into marketing last August and received my first raise since starting at the company two years before. I accomplished some cool things and love my new boss and feel like I have great chemistry with my team. We work well together and we sell the crap out of our technology. So I figured I would get a standard 5-7% cost of living raise and a good review.

Oh how wrong I was. (And here comes the part I am cringing about and hoping I don't sound like a pompous a**)

I got a rave review, a promotion and a huge - no, unbelievably huge raise. I almost died. I literally almost fell out of my chair.

This news came absolutely out of the blue. I have been walking on clouds all day. Naturally, the promotion and raise come with added responsibility and the guarantee of working more hours and being much more accountable for certain aspects of the sales and marketing team, but OH MY GOSH.

So, in all honesty, my waning participation in the blog world will probably continue. I still plan to be involved and to comment, it just might be less frequently and with less fervor and enthusiasm. But it doesn't mean I don't love you all. I swear.

So, as an apology, I give you a mini-Kateastrophe.

I have this shirt that I love. It's this gorgeous dark chocolate brown V-neck that is so soft and comfortable. I get excited every time I wash it because I get to wear it again. However, it has a little bit of a "bleeding" problem. I have ruined a few tank tops and a bra with it.

So, on Wednesday I had my appointment with the trainer at the gym. I had worn my brown shirt that day. I changed my clothes and went to the mirror to put my hair up in a ponytail and gasped. The shirt had finally crossed the line. It had dyed my armpits an orangy-brown color. I had about four minutes before I had to go warm up so I grabbed a few paper towels and got them wet and put a little bit of soap on them and started to rub at my armpits furiously. This is of course the exact moment that an old lady decided to walk up next to me and she just . . . stared. I tried to ignore her for a minute, but it was getting annoying, so I finally turned to her and said "my shirt dyed my armpits orange! I can't just go out there and lift weights with orange armpits!!"

"Ooooooh" she replied. "I just thought you were just a weirdo clean freak."

Thanks lady. Thanks a lot.

Hey, Jealousy

I am a shallow, shallow woman. I'm sort of disturbed by shallowness, honestly.

I've been home sick two days this week, and I've had a lot of free time to blog-hop. And I discovered the blogs of some girls from the past that, honestly, I didn't like to begin with, so why I bothered checking up on their lives when I stumbled across them is beyond me. Maybe I was hoping that they had turned ugly, poor and miserable . . . who really knows. But I looked . . . and now I'm seething with jealously and envy.

I want to know how it's possible for young couples with a stay at home mom and three young kids to be building a mega-mansion and own a $40,000 ski boat AND have a pool and throw elaborate birthday parties for their children AND manage to stay a teeny tiny, toothpick legged size 2 with perfect highlights and a tan. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? How are their homes still immaculately decorated and how do they have time for perfect scrapbooks and photography and how do they drive freakin' ESCALADES? Most of these kids came from significant money and I'm sure they married into families with significant amounts of money and now Mommy and Daddy gave them awesome jobs and fund their perfect lives. Or maybe they are swimming in uncontrollable debt. That's what I like to dream is going on anyway . . .

Since when am I so proud that I can "hate" other people for what they have and I don't, and wish I had it so that when people looked at me, they were jealous?

Oh yeah. Since forever.

Then I find myself wondering what they'll think when they find me.

I feel awkward and guilty admitting that I care what people think of me what I've made of my life. I wasn't one of the "popular" kids in school, but I sure wasn't a hated one. Most people knew me and, for the most part, people liked me. I always had friends, I always had joy. Very rarely did I feel left out or mocked. I grew up poor and fairly awkward looking, so sure, I had my moments, but I always had the self-esteem to just not care. Only as I got older does it seem that I care. My self-esteem sort of took a dive and now I care more than I ever did. And it sort of makes me sick. I don't want to show up at my ten year high school reunion next year as one of those people who feels she has something to prove to all of my classmates. Yet I find myself already planning to diet for the next year to be skinny . . . trying to figure out my "best" outfit and what shoes to wear or which expensive ones to buy just for the occasion. I find myself being sucked into the whole superficial thing. Caring about what they think . . . wanting to impress them and come across "better off" than I really am.

In all honestly, I'm sure that those girl's lives aren't as perfect on the inside as they look on the outside. I'm sure these girls turned out to be much better women then they were high school students. Heaven knows I did. I'm sure that, in different circumstances, these girls would be my friends. Maybe it's not family money at all . . . maybe they married amazingly brilliant men with a knack for making money and that's just the way it is. Maybe they suffered while their husbands were in law or medical school and now they're finally not dirt poor, and I missed the whole story. In my life I have learned that perspective is everything. I have no idea what went on behind the scenes to get them where they are, what might be going on now to keep them this way. I'm also sure that they are just as worried about impressing everyone as I am.

My husband and I both have college degrees (albeit my degree is useless but THAT'S NOT THE POINT.) and we have good jobs and we work hard. We have nice cars (and more cars than we need) and a nice home and have the things that we need and lots that we just want. I guess if we decided we HAD to get an expensive boat and an expensive truck to pull it, we'd find a way to make it work. We have no debt to speak of and we live in joy. We go on vacation and we have enough money to get a really nice vacuum when the crappy one I got on sale breaks. I'm sure there are a number of people who look at my life with the same disgust I feel when I look at those girls. People probably wonder how I got so lucky . . . wonder "what did that snotty girl from high school do to deserve what she has?"

If I put this all into perspective, I realize that we all have someone we envy. Someone who has "more" than we have of something. I know I'm not alone in my fear of what people think, nor am I alone in my envy of others. I just have to let go of some of my stupid pride and accept that fact.

But, so does everyone else.

Hahahaha. Just kidding.

Kind of.

Narcissism is good for the soul . . .

Ahhh the memes just keep on comin'! (and i MISSPELLED my original title. I'm so embarrassed)

I am flattered that Gunfigher likes me enough to tag me . . . so here goes. Meme number four bazillion . . . titled "In the Spotlight"

When did you start blogging?
Well, I officially started blogging with this post(and oh my gosh that was almost YEAR AGO??? Where has the time gone?) but it wasn't until the day I wrote this post that I actually discovered the world of blogging as I know it now. I was searching for a picture of a tiny BYU cougar and came across Daring Young Mom's old Blogger blog and then, in turn, her current blog and I realized that there was MUCH more to blogging than I had originally thought. I had written some pretty random posts and was on my way to being the blogger I am now, but discovering Katherine's blog and blog hopping from there showed me what was really out there.

What's your favorite childhood memory?
Because I have some pretty freaking cool parents, my childhood is filled with amazing memories. But I think the memories that have stayed with me and that I think of most often, I wrote about in this post from my old blog. Every time I hear thunder, see lightening, or smell the rain, I re-live those memories.

Are you a spiritual person?
I am a very spiritual person. I was raised LDS (aka Mormon) by my LDS mother, but my father is Catholic (but not exactly a church going strict Catholic), so I had to decide at an early age if I wanted to take the spiritual route or the "sinner" route as I joke with my Dad (Oh please no one get offended by that. I'm totally kidding I really truly am. I am very lighthearted about religion I swear). I did, and I have no regrets. Having a strong belief in God has helped me more than I could ever say. Abiding by the seemingly "strict" rules of the LDS church has been somewhat challenging at times, but SO SO worth it. I am healthy, I am happy, I am confident in my eternal marriage and family, and I have faith that no one can shake. I feel blessed in so many aspects of my life, and all the credit goes to God.

Do your moral values affect the way that you blog, and if yes, how?
Absolutely. I am not perfect in the "no swearing" rules . . . but I try very hard to keep the subject matter clean and rated PG. My religion and my moral beliefs are so intertwined in my life, there is no way they couldn't affect my blogging. I live and breathe it, and while I have no desire to push my beliefs on anyone else, they are bound to be part of my stories and ongoing life experiences.

I also have a desire to be readable by all and offend as little as possible. I'm a little "rough around the edges" when compared to some of my same religion, but I hope to be a good example wherever I can and to be uplifting and fun at the same time. It is possible - and for me without alcohol! Plus, if you ever meet me in person, you'll realize that it's probably better I don't ingest alcohol, as many people seem to think I live my life drunk. My boss recently said "the more drunk I get Kate, the more sense you make." Touche!

What is the weirdest thing that ever happened to you?
My life is seriously so weird, it's hard to pick the "weirdest." I am constantly baffled by the weirdness of the world and how small it truly is. Plus, I am a weird, weird person. I constantly do weird things and have fun, weird friends. So there are a lot of things to choose from.

One of the weirdest . . . and funniest . . . and most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me, goes as follows:

Summer of my junior year in college, I was working on my "self image." I was a theatre major and also participating in beauty pageants (another post for another time) and I needed to be skinny, hot and original looking. Oh and zit-less. So I was working out like a fiend, I'd dyed my hair dark red and I was on the dreaded Accutane. For those of you who don't know, Accutane is the zit killer drug which basically works by COMPLETELY SUCKING ANY MOISTURE OUT OF YOUR BODY. You are walking around like a dried out corn husk. The doctors recommend dumping an entire bottle of lotion on your body daily, as well as snorting vaseline to prevent bloody noses. It's SO FUN. So I was hot, skinny and all dried up. See? (OK other than the weird eyebrow. What the crap?)



I had started dating a guy I had met at my first pageant parade (again, another post for another time) and we had waited quite a while to start "the kissing" but once we started, we decided we really liked it, and we kept it going despite my dry nose issues, which were many and sort of disgusting.

I must also say that this was a guy like Jerry on Seinfeld. He'd dump a girl for looking at him funny, or for having a weird toenail. So, I was doomed from the beginning for sure, as I have many weird toenails and many funny looks. Add in the weird Accutane issues and I was done for before we started. I just didn't KNOW it.

Cut to two weeks after the kissing started . . . and had kept going. We were at his house, which was, at the time, empty, because he was moving out of it to live with his parents (WAS I BLIND DEAF AND DUMB TO THE WARNING SIGNS OF A LAME BOYFRIEND???) and we were alone, in the dark . . . doing what two 20-something Mormon kids do when you're ALONE and in the DARK. I'm embarrassed to admit this publicly, but it was a fairly . . . intense . . . make-out session that had been going on for quite some time. At some point, I noticed some . . . wetness, on my face. I didn't think much of it, you know SPIT and all being involved, but it kept getting worse . . . and then I realized what had happened. The horrible, awful thing that had happened:

I
HAD
GOTTEN
A
MASSIVE
BLOODY
NOSE
ALL
OVER
MYSELF
AND
MY
BOYFRIEND

I pulled away and said "uh-oh." We turned on a light and unveiled what appeared to be a BATTLE SCENE. We were both covered from the neck up. COVERED. I was MORTIFIED. I didn't know what to say or what to do. Luckily he just started laughing. He went to the bathroom and cleaned up the best he could . . . and came back for some more of me and my hotness.

Five minutes later? Yeah. Another bloody nose.

Followed by the line my boyfriend uttered that I will mock him for behind his back for LIFE.

"Wow, my Mom does my laundry. How am I going to explain THIS?"

Needless to say we called it a night, and shortly after that? He called it a day with me and my hotness. Mama's boy.

And that folks, is it. That is the completion of my Meme. I hope it also counts as the Kateastrophe of the week, because if my sharing my bloody nose story doesn't count, then something is very very wrong.

Now I'm supposed to tag five people, but I seriously don't have it in me now. If you want to play, you can go here to find the rules. Just make sure to let me know you're playing along so that I can witness some of the fun.

Linkin' la vida Lovin'! (that doesn't make any sense at all . . . )

While I have been overwhelmed with Memes in the past . . . I was kind of relieved when Brillig mentioned to me that Cherann had tagged me AND given me "linky-love" as dear Brills lovingly calls it. I have been a bad blogger. I must have writers block or something, or it could possibly be that work has finally become busy and challenging, with the complete initiation of the new minion . . .who knows, but I haven't been feelin' the blogging this week.

Anyway, back to the point . . . I am supposed to list five blogs that I read but aren't on my Blogroll (which is growing day by day.) This is actually going to be somewhat challenging, because I try hard to immediately add a new blog when I decide I love it. (I am such a blog whore.) So here goes . . .

1. Cherann, I'm ashamed to admit it, but you are number one. I read you and haven't added you to my list. BAD KATE! Bad! You have fun things to say and I do love reading you. I will remedy the situation toute suite!

2. Lizzy the Botanist is a newly discovered blog, linked through my other BFF, the amazing Jewels of Blonde Canary. She is super funny and has all these hilarious nicknames for everyone and her son Nash "Radical" is SUPER cute.

3. Amy Furstenau I "read" for her amazing photography. Most of the pictures are of her gorgeous daughter Estee, but she has other stuff in there too. I'm uber jealous of her uber talent and I uber want to be like her someday. Uber.

4. Follow Ling Ling As She Gives Lymphoma the Beatdown is the most uplifting, heartbreaking blog I've ever read. If you read it, you must start at the beginning to understand what's been going on. I put a disclaimer: HEARTBREAKING. I sat and cried the first time I read it. It is however, also very hopeful and wonderful, so, as hard as it is to read from the beginning, trust me, it's worth it.

Honestly though? Four is all I can-can come up with. I try really hard to pass the love on to everyone. But hey, any lurkers out there . . . come ye forth! I LOVE finding new friends in cyberland. Just today I discovered that one of my favorite bloggers might be my long lost twin!

And uh . . . I tag . . . uh . . . everyone! It's good to share the blog love right?

Interrogations

I challenged Stacy of Jurgen Nation to come up with five interview questions for me. I thought it would be easy to answer them in a few minutes . . . but as she is the queen, she gave me some DOOSIES and it's taken days to feel like I had any decent answers, and question 5 still isn't complete! But I had to do SOMETHING with them! So here they are in all their glory!

1. You have an IMPECCABLY decorated house. It’s one of the nicest I’ve ever seen. But, uh-oh. You’ve just been sent to jail (for being so damned adorable). Decorate your jail cell and explain in detail. Assume you can do almost anything you want, but you cannot add space or change the layout in any way.

I've thought a lot about this. More than I really should have. Decorating a cell is serious stuff! It can make or break the relationship you might have with fellow prisoners! I'm going to assume, for the sake of my decorating, that I have a cell to myself.

You've got to work with all the iron . . . right? I mean you're practically surrounded by it. So I'm thinking this . . . votive candles suspended between the bars. Candles make anything look elegant right?

I will definitely paint the walls. I am a sucker for color. Most likely two colors, as I'm also a sucker for accent walls. And cells are notoriously dark, so I'm trying to brighten it up. I will stick with my bedroom colors . . . Ralph Lauren Evocative Sunlight on the two side walls with Behr Heathered Laurel on the back wall.

As for accessories, I love wall art . . . to add culture and art to my cell I would like to have antiqued pictures of Michaelangelo marble statues or possibly Da Vinci cartoons (or such things). The pictures will be in varying sizes, arranged randomly on the walls in black frames and ivory mats. And plants. I have to have green plants. I am notorious for killing delicate plants, so it would have to be something like Ivy, so that I don't kill it right away. You have to have pictures of family and friends of course, in cute little frames on cute little side tables I'll bring in, which, since I have no budgetary limitations and I want to give it to the government (hehehe) will be from Z Gallerie. Because I said so.

I realize that nice sheets are a luxury not usually found in jail, but since I can do anything I want, I want sateen 1000 thread count sheets and soft pillows. And lots of pillows -- decorative and functional. In shades of ivory and green, to match my wall colors. There would also be, of course, a gorgeous duvet to top it all off. Maybe I'll even take mine from home, I love it that much.

I'll need a leather reading chair . . . the big comfy kind, with an ottoman to rest my feet on (wow apparently I have a large cell.) and it will have a soft angora throw and a rubbed bronze reading light.

It's jail, I realize . . . but at least it will be homey!!!

2. You love Mr. Kateastrophe. He’s fantastic, no? (His name is Matt - I have a Matt and he is also fantastic.) You come home one day, however, to find him waiting for you in the parlour (for we all have parlours) in his purple velveteen smoking jacket. He is sipping brandy. “Kate,” he says urgently, “we need to talk.” He then proceeds to tell you that he quit his job today to pursue his dream - his dream of becoming a Lil’ John impersonator. He shows you his new shiny silver grill. Explain your reaction and then, in painstaking detail, argue FOR him pursuing this dream, giving reasons why he should pursue this with every molecule in his body.

I am dumbfounded, for just a few seconds. I knew this day would come . . . they day that my shy, quite, introverted husband busted out of his shell and did something crazy. I warned him it was going to happen, and he swore it never would. Did I expect THIS? Not really. I expected more of a blow up of astronomical proportions in which he shouts out all of my flaws and faults that he's never discussed. A new grill . . . that I never expected. However . . . this could be interesting! And . . . FUN!

"Matt, go for it." I say with fervor. "You have always done what you thought was responsible and what was the right, conservative, unobtrusive thing to do. Go be dramatic! Go pursue this! We see commercials for impersonators at the casinos all the time. There's a market for this! (I'm standing on the coffee table now) Who doesn't want to see a geeky white-boy accountant with no rhythm go out there and rap!? And you can dance to it!! You got into that hip-hop stuff last summer while we were addicted to 'So You Think You Can Dance.' (Now I'm jumping with joy) I've seen your moves! I know you've got it in you! I spent four years in college training to be a Broadway star and look where I am now! I got my chance to go for something crazy . . . GO FOR IT!"

I flop down on the couch, exhausted and excited all at the same time. I can't wait until his friends see THIS. Whether or not I really want him to do this, the thought of my easily embarrassed husband rapping and dancing and grabbing his crotch as Lil' John will be worth every penny he loses.

3. What drink would you prepare for yourself immediately after this conversation?

Sadly, the drink I always prepare. Diet Coke with Lime. Though this MIGHT be the time for Matt to start drinking to pull his dream off. . . I'll go buy some scotch, just in case.

4. Describe your dream cupcake, down to each sprinkle and the color frosting (or no frosting, it’s your damned cupcake).

How did you know I dream of cupcakes?!?!? I love them more than anything.

It's a devil's food chocolate cupcake. With chocolate chips baked in. And it's topped with about four inches of thick, pink frosting, in a swirl like an ice cream cone. And it has one of those . . . sugar sculpture thingies . . . in the shape of a pink high heeled shoe. No sprinkles, just the frosting and the sugar. Mmmmmm sugar.

5. Oh, crap**. You win a radio show that gives you your own reality TV show. Describe a day in your life (exaggerated, as all reality television programming is).

First of all, I'd have to go back to being the Executive Assistant . . . because it's better than a movie 'round here, folks. But I'm going to have to work hard on this one, and it's going to be a novel of sorts, so check back later, as it's going to take some serious time to complete. But I promise it will be good.

Hopefully I'll have it by tomorrow!

**Stacy, pardon my editing -- my Mom reads this blog!!

Quite Possibly the BEST MEME EVER

I laughed at just the thought of doing this and I'm giddy with excitement to see how it plays out. My dearest long lost EFY buddy Janaya did this on her blog and I just HAD TO COPY HER. HAD TO!

if my life was a movie...

if my life was a movie, what would my soundtrack be?

so, here's how it works:
1. open your music library
2. put it on shuffle
3. press play
4. for every question, type the song that's playing
5. when you go to a new question, press the next button
6. don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.

opening credits: "See I'm Smiling" from the musical "The Last Five Years." A girl talking about smiling when her life sucks. Uhhhhhh hmmm.

waking up: "Passenger Seat" by Stephen Speaks. Hmmmm not really how I feel in the morning but, whatever! I guess if my bed is a car . . . and Matt is my passenger . . . weird.

first day at school: "House of Wolves" by My Chemical Romance. Ahhhh Timpview. SO fitting.

in love: "Rhapsody in the Rain" by Lou Christie. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OH MY GOSH I am laughing so hard. Here's to NCMO's and making out on the first date and me thinking it was love EVERY. DAMN. TIME. Holy crap.

fight song: "Whatever I Fear" by Toad the Wet Sprocket. Apparently there's not much "fight" in my fight song. It appears to be very afraid.

breaking up: "Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith. Well, um, I guess I'll stalk you 'cause I don't wanna miss a thing.

prom: "Hero" by the Enrique Eglesias. Honestly? I can totally see the Junior Council at my high school choosing this as our theme and having cut outs of Superman and Batman all over the commons.

life's ok: "Amber" by 311. Apparently when life is OK it's kind of like I got high and stared at an amber light forever. Very mellow and groovy, eh?

mental breakdown: "In Da Club" by 50 Cent. Yes, every mental breakdown can and should be fixed by dancing in Da Club and being into sex not making love. That's VERY healthy. And so not how people get an STD. Nope.

driving: "Oops I Did it Again" by Britney Spears. If it means "oops I just flipped someone driving like an idiot off again" then YES that is true.

flashback: "Summer Girl" by Jessica Andrews. AH! So fitting for me because when I have a movie made about me, the flashback will always be me and the girls driving around, singing and laughing in the summer.

getting back together: "Samson" by Regina Spektor. YEssssir. Let's get back together and I'll chop off your source of strength and power! (HAIR people. Get your minds out of the gutter.)

birth of child: "Beverly Hills" by Weezer NO! I DON'T WANT TO SPAWN SPOILED BRATS!!! It's not where I want to be! Not not not!

wedding: "Oklahoma" from the musical OKLAHOMA! Apparently it's an Okie wedding complete with cows and hay. HAY! And we know how to spell.

final battle: "Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan. So it's one of those painful, Gladiator-esque slow motion battles. OR, maybe it's a deep psychological battle! Yeah! Let's go with that.

death scene: "Song for You" by Michael Buble. If I can die with Mikey 'alone now singing this song to ME,' guaranteed I'm going out juuuuust fine.

funeral song: "When You Were Young" by The Killers. My funeral is apparently a semi-peppy discussion of how awesome I was when I was young.

end credits: "Silent All These Years" by Tori Amos. Yes I have lead a silent life, haven't I? I held everything in and never talked. HAHAHAHAH. At least it's a haunting melody with screams lost in a paper cup.


OOOOH I'm so excited to see what you guys get!! You MUST let me know when you're done. Because once again, if you are reading this, I tag you!

Tagged Times Three

I got tagged again . . . I'm thinking I need to rename my blog "Kate's Meme's and a few random other things"

So without further ado I give you Three Things That . . .

Three Things That Scare Me
1. Heights
2. Scorpions
3. Screwing up my marriage

Three People Who Make Me Laugh
1. Jewels . . . always Jewels
2. All of my girlfriends, especially after a big meal and lots of caffeine.
3. Matt

Three Things I Love
1. Food. Pretty much all of it.
2. A pair of jeans that make me feel like a million bucks
3. Having amazing friends and family

Three Things I Hate
1. Boogers
2. Bad hair days
3. Stupid idiot drivers on the freeway

Three Things I Don't Understand
1. How absolute idiots can be gazillionaires
2. People with absolutely no common sense who think they know everything
3. Why I can't be a gazillionaire.

Three Things On My Desk
1. Silly Putty
2. A poster of some insane semi-automatic weapon (don't ask . . . it's a dare)
3. A huge box of Risky Business DVD's (again, don't ask)

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now
1. Trying to figure out the IT department's cryptic instructions for changing my VPN key
2. Trying to figure out what the hell a VPN key is and why I have to change it in the first place
3. Guzzling water

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Visit each continent
2. Own a home in a different country
3. Get a tan (hahahahah yeah right)

Three Things I Can Do
1. BS with the best of them
2. Sing
3. Make my eyeballs wiggle. It's really funny.

Three Things I Can't Do
1. Run a mile
2. Fit into my favorite clothes
3. Borrow any of my friend Stacey's couture shoes. Stupid size 10 yacht feet. (Mine, not hers)

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To
1. The soundtrack from "The Mission"
2. Comedian Eddie Izzard (though you should probably WATCH him, he's funnier if you can see his facial expressions)
3. Puccini

Three Things You Should Never Listen To
1. Nirvana
2. Nine Inch Nails
3. Me when I'm emotional

Three Things I'd Like To Learn
1. Another language
2. Photoshop
3. HTML and JAVA

Three Favorite Foods
1. Pasta
2. Chocolate
3. Potatoes (in any form except potato salad)

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid
1. Sesame Street
2. She-Ra
3. The McNeal-Lehrer News Hour (I was forced and oh how I hated it)

Three Things I Regret
1. Not trying our for more plays and performing groups in college
2. Not paying more attention to my little brother when he was in high school
3. The macaroni and cheese I ate for lunch yesterday. Hrrrppbbb.

Three People I'm Tagging:
1. YOU. If you're reading this I tag YOU. I think that covers three people right?

Phew! Done! Now run along and do your own and let me know when you're done!

Tagged again!

I have been asked to answer five questions, specifically tailored to me . . . so here they go!

1. Quick! The whole house is on fire! You are only going to have time to save ONE thing. What would it be?
If I'm being COMPLETELY honest, my house isn't organized enough for me to find that one thing, which would be my box of photos. If my house was organized, that would be it. But as it stands now I'd die searching for it, so instead I choose my Brian Atwood Dorian heels. How superficial am I???

2. If you could be fluent in any foreign language, which one would you choose? Why?
I think Spanish, because living in Arizona, it would come in handy. Also, I think if I could speak Spanish fluently, it would help me learn the other romantic languages, of which I'm a HUGE fan.

3. I know that your Dad left when you were a little girl. How do you feel about him now?
Wow, this one is sort of hard to answer honestly, but I will do it. I have had issues with my Dad for a long time. I was always a Momma's girl, and I think he knew that, so our relationship was strained because he has never been one to hide his dislike for my Mother, which was always hard for me. I never believed that he had our best interest in mind, I never believed that he really cared for us the way a father should. Then, as I got older and began to be a little more wise to the ways of the world, I started to realize more and more about my Father, his defense mechanisims and how he views his relationship with me. Basically, I grew up and got a little bit more of a clue.

Now that I'm all mature and stuff (hahahahah) I realize that both of my parents made mistakes, they BOTH loved us kids and they both did the best they knew how. Perfect? Absolutely not. But I was sure loved. As I get closer to being ready for my own children, I realize that being an adult does not a perfect human make (duh. Only took me 25 years to figure that one out!) and loving is the best kind of parenting.

So long answer longer, I love and accept my Father for who he truly is. Not who I think he should be. And I love him so much.

4. What kind of person did you think you would marry? How close did you come?
HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAAAAAAA.
So I had a list . . . a list of qualities I wanted in the guy I would someday marry. And they were:

1. Dark curly hair
2. Dimples
3. Soccer player
4. Outgoing
5. Charming

First of all, my superficiality shines through and I have guilt.

Second of all, I dated that exact guy up there, for two years. He was the worst boyfriend ever. I was madly in love with him and it was the worst two years of my life. He treated me like crap, and I let him. He was dating every female around, and I let him. He was charismatic and beautiful and funny and I just couldn't get enough of how horribly he treated me for some stupid reason. I learned that what I thought I wanted was NOT good for me. At all.

I married the man I never knew I needed. He has straight, dark blonde/brown hair, no dimples, he played basketball and he's a shy accountant. And I am so grateful, every single day. He is my rock, my calm in the storm, the best thing that ever happened to me. Matt would never treat me badly . . . when I ask him to list the things that bother him about me, he says he doesn't have any. He puts up with my whiny, nagging self without a complaint. He may not be the center of attention or the "popular" guy, but EVERY PERSON who meets him says "Wow, that is the nicest guy I have ever met." And he is. And he's mine. And I'm madly, deeply, truly in love with him.

5. What is your Number One beauty tip?
Hmmm . . . number one . . . honestly? Make-up brushes. You can make ANY make-up look good with great brushes. MAC brushes are my preference.

SO there it is. Following tradition, if any of you would like me to craft five questions for you, just let me know in the comments and I will try my hardest to come up with something creative!!

100 Things - Parteo Dosoa

So I aknowledge that I can't add. My last 50 things was more like . . . 57 or so. OOOoooooh well! I'll just do a few extra I suppose!

Here are the next 50:

49. Despite being BLIND as a bat, I didn't wear glasses or contacts for almost two years. Oops!

48. I consider my boss (the CEO of the company I work for) to be one of my greatest friends, and I know he feels the same way.

47. I have about 13 years of voice training

46. I have room for a sixth toe on my right foot.

45. I always tested the highest in science, my least favorite subject of all time

44. I was hit on the HEAD with a REMOTE CONTROL by a COLLEGE PROFESSOR

43. I never went back to that professor's class and I got an A

42. I am a natural born nag. It's in the blood. Sorry hubby!

41. I wanted my name to be Samantha when I was in third grade.

40. In third grade I also wanted to have triplets named Jackson, Jocelyn and Jaqueline.

39. If I found out I was pregnant with triplets now, I would probably have to be comitted.

38. Until about my junior year in high school, I pretty much had a new best friend every year.

37. I have received one piece of hate-mail in my life . . . and it was for getting a solo two years in a row in high school choir. It probably should have hurt my feelings but I thought it was hilarious.

36. My dream car has always been a BMW of some sort . . . the current model I'm in love with is an M6 Convertible. Mmmmmmmmmmm

35. I am terrified of heights. Even going to the fifth floor of the fine arts building at my college scared me to death. I'd have to hang on to the railing for dear life.

35. I have ridden a Yak . . . in China.

34. I was robbed by Gypsies on a train in Italy.

33. The only "celebrity" I have ever been star struck over is Brian Stokes Mitchell and I waited outside of a theatre where he was performing in -3 degree weather for two hours to get his signature on my program.

32. I was with Jewels in Jimmy Eat World's tour bus. The sound guy had a "thing" for her!

31. I have met all the member's of No Doubt except Gwen Stefani.

30. When I was a little girl, my Dad took me to see the Rolling Stones at Red Rock in Denver, Colorado. I misunderstood where we were going and was REALLY mad when we didn't end up at Bedrock to see the Flintstones.

29. I have met all the members of Blink 182.

28. I am related to William Hearst. Just don't ask me how . . .

27. My great-great-great Grandfather was Abraham Lincoln's bodyguard. Oops!

26. I have the mentality of a twelve year old boy. Word's such as "butt-hole" and "crotch" always make me laugh, as do the subjects of farting, belching and other such disgusting topics.

25. I bite my nails.

24. When I get together with my girlfriends and get some caffeine in me, I act like a teenage girl again . . . and I don't care.

23. I think there is a quote from "Friends" that applies to almost every situation known to man.

22. I own all ten seasons of "Friends."

21. I am totally OK making a complete idiot out of myself. Thus my blog. And pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth.

20. I am TERRIFIED that we won't be able to sell out house by the time we need to.

19. I have recurring nighmares that multiple members of my family die on the same day.

18. I was not allowed ot watch TV as a child.

17. I am making up for not being able to watch TV as a child by watching WAY too much TV now.

16. I would rather spend a weekend with my girlfriends doing absolutely nothing than almost anything else on earth.

15. I cry every single time I watch Extreme Home Makeover.

14. I love to read, and I'm a "speed reader" so I FLY through books and sometimes it makes me mad because I want them to last forever!

13. My favorite book is "Les Miserables" followed closely by "The Count of Monte Cristo." Unabridged versions, please.

12. My taste in music is SUPER random. I have everything from Opera to Rap on my iPod. I can handle pretty much everything but depressing, kill-yourself Grunge music.

11. My husband's favorite music is depressing, kill-yourself Grunge music.

10. We don't often listen to music in the car when driving together because we can't agree on anything.

9. I am CHEAP. I hate buying anything at full price. If it's on sale though, you bet your butt I'm going to buy it, whether I need it or not!

8. I have a weakness for chocolate and pasta.

7. I HATE condiments. All of them. With the exception of BBQ Sauce

6. I am scared to sing in front of small crowds with people I know.

5. I am NOT scared to sing in front of huge crowds.

4. I was in TWO beauty pageants during the summer of 2000. I didn't win either one. But I did win best interview in one and was in the court of another . . . and I never got my scholarship money.

3. I am terrified of mentally screwing up my future children

2. I am terrified of screwing up my marriage

1. I love nothing more than laughing really, really hard.

There you have it! The 100 things you should know about me! Ta-da! Aren't I cool? NO? Weird? That's OK too.

100 Things - Parteth Unoeth

I am such a bandwagon fan. I seem incapable of coming up with my OWN cool blog things, so I just copy everyone else.

But here it goes, I'm going to write 100 things about me so you, the internet, can love me as much as I loove me-self. I might have to split it up 50/50 but we'll see how far I get!

100. I was born in Denver, Colorado and lived in a teeeeny tiny town called Erie until I was 6 years old.

99. I was in LOVE with John Elway when I was a small girl. I was determined to marry him.

98. Once I got over Elway, I wanted to marry Billy Joel. Apparently ugly older men really did it for me as a child!

97. After my parents divorce, we moved 5 times in 6 years. Luckily, most of the moves were in the same zip code, but I got really, really good at packing up and moving my stuff!

96. I skipped sixth grade, causing me to go from elementary school straight to Junior High. And I was NEEEERRRDDDYYY looking, and obviously a nerd in general, so it's an understatement for me to say that it was an awkward year for me.

95. In high school I told my three best friends that I couldn't be friends with them for a while because I felt I was being mistreated. When I finally started making other friends and gained some confidence I told them to hit the road.

96. About three months later those girls and I kissed and made up, and two of them became, and continue to be, just about the best friends and most incredible women a girl could ask to be associated with. But BONUS, the "new friends" joined up with the "old friends" and we created a bigger, better group of "super friends!"

97. I was baptized Catholic as a baby, for my father.

98. I was baptized Mormon at 8 years old, for myself. (My mom wasn't too upset about it either!)

97. I swore that after I graduated from high school I would move out of Utah County for college . . . specifically that I would never go to BYU or UVSC.

96. I attended both BYU and UVSC. By choice.

95. I once discovered the passcode to my then-boyfriend's cell phone and I'd call and listen to his messages all the time. Bad idea? Probably, but this is also how I discovered he was not only cheating on me, but planning to marry the damn girl!

94. I got back together with the above idiot boyfriend. And continued to date him on and off for TWO YEARS. Stupid much???

93. I met my husband while I was still seeing the above mentioned idiot.

92. I was once dumped by a guy I didn't know I was dating. Over the phone.

91. Once, after one date, a guy threatened to commit suicide if I didn't come see him.

90. Once, I told a guy I hardly knew to go ahead and kill himself for all I cared.

89. Once, that guy who threatened to commit suicide was just looking for attention.

88. I was stalked by a US Marine. After one date. And no kiss.

87. I know the name and date of every "first kiss" I ever had.

88. My husband was lucky kiss #50.

87. I was once referred to as a "mormon slut." While I don't ALL the way agree with that statement, it might be a little bit true.

86. My Mom taught me to ski as soon as I could walk, so I don't remember learning how.

85. Despite skiing since I was tiny, I have never skied a black diamond.

84. #85 makes me a huge pansie.

83. Except for when I was very small, I have never intentionally ingested an alcoholic beverage.

82. I LOVE Christmas. Love, love, love it.

81. I hate the date of my birthday . . . New Year's Eve. Call me selfish, but your birthday sucks when everyone in the world is celebrating but it's not for you.

80. Until I was five, I thought everyone in the world WAS celebrating for my birthday. (Thanks a LOT, Mom!)

79. I LOVE Disneyland. I love it so much I'm afraid to go to Disneyworld for fear that Disneyland won't seem as cool. And I can't DRIVE to Disneyworld, and that is a problem if I start to love it more than Disneyland.

78. I think I have a deviated septum or something. If I or someone else squeezes my nose or something, I have to physically separate the nostril so I can breathe out of that side again.

76. I was a Music Dance Theatre Major in college. This becomes funny because I don't really dance, and I never passed my end of the semester dance tests. The singing and the acting saved my tuckus.

75. I was asked to Prom by one of the weirdest guys in high school . . . in front of 100 people. And I said no.

74. No one else asked me to Prom that year so I asked someone and paid for it myself.

73. I crashed another school's Senior Ball with a guy who had already graduated from that school -- and I was a junior at the time. We had NO business being there but we had SO much fun. The guy was one of my good friend's boyfriends. We were just friends but I'm pretty sure we pissed her off anyway. Oops!

72. I LOVE to cook and I dream of a gourmet kitchen . . . and no job so I can work out, then cook. ALLL DAY LONG.

71. Despite the cultural pressure to have children, I am just not feeling like it's time to have little mini-Murphs yet. The day will come and we will have kids, just not yet.

70. I have a job in Marketing. See #76 for why this is amusing.

69. I love cheddar cheese on graham crackers. Call me crazy, but try it before you judge me.

68. I grew so sick of thrift stores and their smell and searching through racks of nasty clothes as a kid, that I plan to never shop at one again. I know there are amazing deals there and I judge no one who shops there. I just associate unhappy memories with them and I don't want to go back.

67. While I was on Accutane in college, I unknowingly got a bloody nose while making out with my boyfriend. I didn't realize it for about ten minutes. Holy crap, right?!?!?

66. I was once dumped for the way I ate CHEETOS.

65. I caught a guy I was dating having sex with some random girl. His response? "She was here first."

64. A friend of mine once told a guy I was seeing that I was dating other people and he dumped me. I didn't know we were exclusive, so needless to say, this was the second time I got dumped by a guy I didn't know I was dating.

63. The mother of my high school boyfriend hated me so much that I wasn't allowed in their house and he had to go on a date with someone else "every other date."

62. One night when I was pretty much asleep I made out with my best friend's boyfriend. I woke up very shocked.

61. My best friend and I obviously had some "issues" for a while, but we are now closer than ever. Thank heavens for time healing all wounds.

60. My brother is a veteran of the War in Iraq and I don't think he'll ever know how much I respect him for his service.

59. My other brother is a recovering heroine addict and I don't think he'll ever know how proud I am for asking for help and for how much he's accomplished in two years.

58. I have watched my sister dig herself out of some very bad situations and I don't think she'll ever know how proud I am of her for the decisions she's made in her life and where she is now.

57. I suck at giving the "silent treatment." I just don't think I'm capable of not talking.

56. I am VERY hard to severely piss off. . . but watch out if you do it. I have a suppressed Irish temper.

55. I was destined to marry a "Matt." Most of my serious boyfriends were named Matt. My friend and I used to say I should tatoo the name Matt on my butt, we were that sure I'd marry one. We said the same thing about her and the name "Brian." She married a Brian and I, obviously, married a Matt.

54. If I could, I'd eat mashed potatoes with melted cheese for breakfast every day.

53. I had dark, dark brown hair when I met my husband. He had no idea I was blonde for about a month after we started dating . . . and that was when he saw a picture of me and asked "who is that? Do you have a sister I haven't met?"

52. Because of my touchy-feely relationship with my girlfriends, we are often asked if we are lesbians. Nothing against lesbians . . . we just aren't and it's funny that so many people ask.

51. I got hit on twice, six months apart, by the same guy . . . the funniest part? I was wearing the exact same outfit and hairstyle (two braids) both times. He was very surprised the second time when I said "Nik, right? Yeah you asked for my phone number before and never called me."

50. I have man knees. I will never have sexy girl legs because I have thick, mannish knees.

Ok that's all I have for today. I promise to post more later.

I also promise, Stacy, that I will post horrible, ugly dance pictues from high school.

Hold your breath peeps! It's gonna be excitin'!

Howdy Neighbor! I'm a Psycho!

I'm so gonna be famous. The Arrowhead Independent, a small --er, tiny -- local newspaper found out about my starring role (hahah) in the musical "Suds" and they are running a "Meet Your Neighbor" feature about ME! So they emailed me a bunch of questions to answer and asked for a picture.

I would normally be my normal, sarcastic self in answering the questions, but the audience is full of old people snowbirds, so I have to be careful. So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna post the answers I would LOVE to give here on this here blog, for your enjoyment. Then I will answer the newspaper with a toned down version.


QUESTIONS FOR Q&A "MEET YOUR NEIGHBOR" PROFILE

Name: Kathryn Anne Cotter Murphy
Age (optional): 24 (hehehehe)
Town/Neighborhood: BFE North Phoenix
What I like most about living here: Well, it's Phoenix . . . so, um . . . lemme think . . . um . . . my husband is here? And my job? er . . . um . . . and Rhonda? I guess those work.
Changes I'd like to see in this area: Please for the LOVE someone figure out how to make the summers LESS HOT! It's just MARCH and I'm DYING here.
What I'm excited about & why: I'm excited about lots of things. My next meal . . . my trip to Vegas on Thursday to see my GIRLIES! My play being over, my new house that is NOT in the Arrowhead area, the meal after the next meal, having Friday off of work . . . I could go on and on.
Favorite community cause & why: Finding a way to get rid of the snow birds in Phoenix. ALL OF THEM and their crappy driving too!
When & why I moved here: My husband is an indecisive person who couldn't decide if he loved me or not so I moved my butt to Phoenix in the MIDDLE of the GOSH DARN BLAZING HOT SUMMER MONTH OF AUGUST to force him to love me and marry me. Don't I sound swell?
Where I lived before & why I left: Happy Valley (aka Provo) Utah. I left for reasons noted above. And I still haven't forgiven him for it.
My family: Crazy doesn't really cover it. I have THIRTEEEEEEN step-siblings, four of whom I've never even met. I don't even know their NAMES for gosh sakes. My mother is Mormon, my father is Catholic . . . you can imagine the religious and cultural debacle THAT is. I have two brothers, both GIANTS (6'2" and 6'3" and built like walls) and a teeny tiny sister (5'3") who are all awesome, but we look as though we all came from different parents. I am as Irish looking as they come, Sean looks Mexican, Meagan looks German and Patrick just looks like a GIANT leprechaun. Seriously it's so weird. No one believes we're related. I have an aunt who left her husband for a woman, an uncle who had multiple wives spread out around the country (no he is not Mormon.) and yet another aunt who is a NUN in Brazil. Does this give you any idea of the insanity that is my family?
What I do: I flail about most days trying to babysit two teenagers who run a company, pretend to know something about Marketing and answering random questions from random people all day long. Oh and turn off the DAMN.BEEPING.PRINTER that lives RIGHT.OUTSIDE.MY.CUBE.
What I like most about what I do: Does blogging count?
Previous occupations & why I left: Cheap shoe salesperson, Car salesperson, Construction Office Manager (do I really need to explain why I left any of these jobs?)
If I had picked a different occupation, it might have been: Space Cowboy! Wait . . . no. That wasn't me . . .
My interests and hobbies: Professional TV watcher, professional eater, professional IMer, professional emailer . . . oh and singing in the car.
The best and/or worst time in my life: Best? Anytime I'm hanging out with my girlies or my husband just doing nothing. Worst time? DATING. ALL OF IT.
My best/worst habits: Like how this question is worded? Best habits? Um . . . I'm really good at checking my blog during the day, I've made a habit of that. I also have a good habit of eating junk food when hungry. I'm really amazingly good at gaining weight. I have a bad habit of . . . gaining weight, eating junk food when hungry, checking my blog ALL.DAY.LONG . . .
The trait(s) I admire in others: I really like a person who is good at complimenting me, telling me how hot and amazing I am. I also like people who don't require compliments back.
People who inspired me (and how): I was always inspired by really flexible people, people who can do weird human tricks, and those Japanese hot dog eaters.
My guiding philosophy: Go to where the good food is.
My advice to today's youths: Today's YOUTHS? Seriously? I need a job at this paper. Um, ok . . . advice . . . Kids, milk your parents for all you can while you still live at home. Someday you have to buy your own groceries. And it sucks.

Gone missing

I'm here, I'm here. Shhhh. Calm down, I didn't leave forever.

My Mom and sister Meagan came to town on Thursday so I've been away from the computer and busy with them . . . but I'll post pictures and stuff very soon.

And I've reset the Kateastrophe ticker, much to my dismay. I'll explain that too. It's gooooood.

Bear with me another day or so. I promise I'll be back!

Oops

So Petey (my favorite techy) and I spent like an hour creating my cool new banner today.

Then I realized we misspelled "Kateastrophe" -- well, at least according to my blogger URL AND the URL that I've purchased.

I guess I have to reset my "days since the last Kateatsrophe" back to zero. It was at 11.

I was doing so great.

One Word Answers

Feeling: Sleepy
Thinking About: Work
Your Family History: CRAZY
The Last Person You Had "Words" With: Matt
Want To Fly Away To: Europe
Hate the Sight Of: Vomit
The Sport Whose Players Turn You On: Soccer
Favorite Color Ink: Purple
American Idol Judge Who Irritates You Most: Paula
Place You Thought Monsters Hid When You Were Little: Bed
Favorite Spice or Herb: Cumin
What You Like for Breakfast: Pizza
Your Living Room Couch: Soft
Most Recent Purchase: BOOTS!!
Hours You Typically Sleep On Weeknights: Seven
Something You Dislike: Condiments
A Favorite Color: Green
Your Snack When Willpower Is Nonexistent: Chocolate
Your Bedsheets: Soooooft
The Part of Your Face You Scrunch Most Often: Nose
The Last Thing You Thought Was Funny: Jewels
What You're Going To Do Now: Pee!

Now you copy and paste this and either post it on your blog or in the comments!

I gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut

I heard the funniest thing today . . . an old friend of my husband's family said "my feet are big so they fit in my big mouth."

That is my new sentence to live by. Because I have incredibly large feet. And a significantly bigger mouth.

I have been pondering myself lately. I was raised to first criticize myself, then decide how harshly to judge others. I also carry this into situations of conflict, whether they be mine or other's conflicts. I do this to the point of annoyance and hatred sometimes, especially when others come to me with their problems. I always look for what the complainer (whether that's me or someone else) did to aggravate the situation before I judge the other person or situation with bad behaviour. It is both a strength and a weakness, I acknowledge it and I am trying so hard not to do it at inappropriate times, yet I swear it's ingrained in my DNA and it will never go away.

Not keeping my mouth shut is my other HUGE. GLARING. PROBLEM. I am good at keeping secrets . . . my problem is I pick and choose which ones are juicier and more fun to share and just make myself feel better by saying "DON'T TELL ANYONE." Yeah right. It's really a girl thing I guess . . . but for me it's more than that.

My poor husband doesn't understand it. He doesn't yet understand that he has to threaten me with a large steak knife and say "DO NOT TELL OTHER PEOPLE WE HAD THIS DISCUSSION" before I'll actually get that it's not something I should blab to everyone.

The other day a close friend said "please don't do what you usually do and say you won't tell anyone and then go ahead and tell them all. This is something I want to keep quiet." I'm proud to say that I have not slipped once with that one. I am making progress, see?!?!

I do try to be sensitive, I do try not to share very personal things. I try so hard. Sometimes they just slip out! They just do. It's all with good intent . . . or to get a good laugh. But not usually. I have a good heart, that fact I know. I'm not cruel and I'd never share someones secret to hurt them on purpose. But sometimes I know it does and I feel SO BAD about it.

I know a lot of the people who's feelings I hurt don't read this here blog. But to those who do, I do apologize if I've ever said too much about you and hurt your feelings. I'm trying to work on it, I really truly am. I really only tell my closest girlfriends this kind of stuff anyway. I swear. There just happens to be like, ten of them. But I'm trying not to. I'm doing better. Baby steps are being taken in the right direction!

I think I did it again today though. Not to any of you who read this blog. I did it to someone who truly annoys me and drives me BONKERS and who I may someday go into a full on rant about ON this blog. . . but it may just come back to bite me in the butt. It wasn't a big secret or anything, just stupid, funny gossip. But I still may hear about it later. If I do, I'll man up and apologize, but the damage may be done because I blabbed to someone who has a bigger blabber than me.

Memo to me: try to tell gossipy stories to someone who talks LESS than you, not more.

Memo to you: Hit me with a large post after you tell me a secret. And aim well, so you hit the memory part of my brain. Wherever that is.

Five things about ME challenge

I was tagged by Kari, an old friend from EFY's gone by, to complete a "five things you didn't know about me" post and then tag five more people.

Kari and I spent one week together YEARS ago (longer ago then I care to admit) and we have random "it's a small world after all" connections that have kept us in touch, so finding five things Kari doesn't know about me might not be that hard, but Kari really threw down the gauntlet by saying that I always make her laugh . . . so now the challenge is to find five entertaining things about me . . . and honestly, I don't know if I can do it, but let's see!

1. I HATE CONDIMENTS. Since I was a small girl I've hated ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, salad dressing . . . anything ewey and goopy that goes on food -- with the strange, rare exception of barbeque sauce. It's always funny to order food at any fast food place. Cheeseburger plain. Chicken sandwich, hold anything that resembles sauce. No taco sauce with my taco. Take off anything that is goopy, please. My favorite is In-N-Out Burger, because they further embarrass me by saying (in a judgy voice) "just the meat, cheese and the bun?" YES. THAT IS ALL. Thank you for shouting it out to the whole restaurant. Even funnier is that my own mother NEVER remembers this oddity about me. NEVER. I always get a ham sandwich covered in goopy, nasty mayonaise. Insert vomit noise HERE.

2. I am obsessed with weddings. I always have been. Any movie that has a wedding theme, I'm there. That new TV show about the wedding planners? I so want that to be my life. I gaze fondly at everyone's wedding ring and ask to look at it. I love stories about weddings. I love pictures of weddings. Hell, I want to get married again (to the same man, mind you) just to have another wedding. I see bridal magazines and I want to buy them just to look at them. Then I get mad that a particular style of dress was nowhere to be found when I was getting married. This obsession doesn't seem to be close to ending . . . it's getting worse. So anyone wanting to plan a wedding . . . give me a call. I need to feed the addiction. Seriously, I'll do anything involving a wedding.

3. I dream of being the next Martha Stewart. What I lack is the style, creativity, drive, ability, craftiness . . . pretty much everything that makes her Martha Stewart. I can decorate OK. I don't clean well at all. I am so not crafty in any way, shape or form. I can cook but those complicated meals just piss me off. I do semi-homemade and comfort food. I can throw a mean party too . . . but it just doesn't seem to be enough! There aren't enough hours in the day! It makes me hate her with a passion. Her and her perfectly folded fitted sheets. Beeeeotch.

4. I wash my hair as little as possible. I know, you germophobe neat freaks are shocked and disgusted right now. I shower! I just don't take the time to wash and condition my hair. It's SO LONG and SUCH A PAIN IN THE BUTT and then after the washing comes the styling and the blow drying and the curling iron . . . Besides, any stylist will tell you it's better for your hair NOT to wash it. I just don't know if they meant 4 days . . .

5. I want to be a carbohydrate. Ok not really . . . but this whole "carbs are bad" thing just cramps my style. I can eat a whole loaf of bread in one sitting. Followed by a giant bowl of pasta. Followed by a giant tub of mashed potatoes. If it's a carb, I'll eat it . . . and not just eat it . . . pig out on it. If anyone knows of a carb diet that says all you should eat is carbs, I am so there.

OK, now I have to tag five people to tell me five things I may not know about them.

Anniekinz, I tag you because you are new to the blogging thing and you have a hilarious life and stories, plus as well as I know you, I KNOW there are things I don't know.

Jewels, I tag you because I am DYING to find out if there is something I don't know about you. And I love you.

Hannah, I tag you for the same reasons I tag Julia. HA!

Bo Beila, I tag you because you don't blog NEARLY enough and I want to see more of you. And I love you too.

Janaya, I tag you because you are another oh-so-random EFY friend from even BEFORE I met Kari, and I'd love to know more things about you!!