Five things about ME challenge

I was tagged by Kari, an old friend from EFY's gone by, to complete a "five things you didn't know about me" post and then tag five more people.

Kari and I spent one week together YEARS ago (longer ago then I care to admit) and we have random "it's a small world after all" connections that have kept us in touch, so finding five things Kari doesn't know about me might not be that hard, but Kari really threw down the gauntlet by saying that I always make her laugh . . . so now the challenge is to find five entertaining things about me . . . and honestly, I don't know if I can do it, but let's see!

1. I HATE CONDIMENTS. Since I was a small girl I've hated ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, salad dressing . . . anything ewey and goopy that goes on food -- with the strange, rare exception of barbeque sauce. It's always funny to order food at any fast food place. Cheeseburger plain. Chicken sandwich, hold anything that resembles sauce. No taco sauce with my taco. Take off anything that is goopy, please. My favorite is In-N-Out Burger, because they further embarrass me by saying (in a judgy voice) "just the meat, cheese and the bun?" YES. THAT IS ALL. Thank you for shouting it out to the whole restaurant. Even funnier is that my own mother NEVER remembers this oddity about me. NEVER. I always get a ham sandwich covered in goopy, nasty mayonaise. Insert vomit noise HERE.

2. I am obsessed with weddings. I always have been. Any movie that has a wedding theme, I'm there. That new TV show about the wedding planners? I so want that to be my life. I gaze fondly at everyone's wedding ring and ask to look at it. I love stories about weddings. I love pictures of weddings. Hell, I want to get married again (to the same man, mind you) just to have another wedding. I see bridal magazines and I want to buy them just to look at them. Then I get mad that a particular style of dress was nowhere to be found when I was getting married. This obsession doesn't seem to be close to ending . . . it's getting worse. So anyone wanting to plan a wedding . . . give me a call. I need to feed the addiction. Seriously, I'll do anything involving a wedding.

3. I dream of being the next Martha Stewart. What I lack is the style, creativity, drive, ability, craftiness . . . pretty much everything that makes her Martha Stewart. I can decorate OK. I don't clean well at all. I am so not crafty in any way, shape or form. I can cook but those complicated meals just piss me off. I do semi-homemade and comfort food. I can throw a mean party too . . . but it just doesn't seem to be enough! There aren't enough hours in the day! It makes me hate her with a passion. Her and her perfectly folded fitted sheets. Beeeeotch.

4. I wash my hair as little as possible. I know, you germophobe neat freaks are shocked and disgusted right now. I shower! I just don't take the time to wash and condition my hair. It's SO LONG and SUCH A PAIN IN THE BUTT and then after the washing comes the styling and the blow drying and the curling iron . . . Besides, any stylist will tell you it's better for your hair NOT to wash it. I just don't know if they meant 4 days . . .

5. I want to be a carbohydrate. Ok not really . . . but this whole "carbs are bad" thing just cramps my style. I can eat a whole loaf of bread in one sitting. Followed by a giant bowl of pasta. Followed by a giant tub of mashed potatoes. If it's a carb, I'll eat it . . . and not just eat it . . . pig out on it. If anyone knows of a carb diet that says all you should eat is carbs, I am so there.

OK, now I have to tag five people to tell me five things I may not know about them.

Anniekinz, I tag you because you are new to the blogging thing and you have a hilarious life and stories, plus as well as I know you, I KNOW there are things I don't know.

Jewels, I tag you because I am DYING to find out if there is something I don't know about you. And I love you.

Hannah, I tag you for the same reasons I tag Julia. HA!

Bo Beila, I tag you because you don't blog NEARLY enough and I want to see more of you. And I love you too.

Janaya, I tag you because you are another oh-so-random EFY friend from even BEFORE I met Kari, and I'd love to know more things about you!!