Just When I Thought Laser Hair Removal Only Worked On The Brunettes

I have a bad case of the skin funk.

It's pissing me off. I apparently have some weird form of eczema that causes me to break out into millions of tiny, leprosy-esque (OK, I've never actually SEEN someone with leprosy, but in my HEAD this is what it looks like, all right?) water blisters ALL OVER MY FINGERS. It's very pretty.

I also have this horrible habit of being a picker/popper of all things that grow on my skin. (Just my skin though. I want to throw up in my mouth a lot at the thought of picking or popping things someone else. Hrppbbb) I find much joy in exploding that rat-bastard pimple that has been taunting me, or pulling out the wretched hang-nail. I play and pick at my split ends. I am overjoyed at pulling off peeling skin. SO, people. Imagine what I do with millions of tiny water blisters.

That's right. I pop them ferociously.

Watery skin funk + OCD need to pop things that grow = I just grossed out the whole world.

OR

Millions of exploded water blisters, some of which weren't, of course, ready to be popped and have decided to give me their equivalent of the "finger" and grow back, some with fun colors! (OK not really. Or maybe. Or . . . yeah.)

I have been prescribed medication for these little buggers. But that leads me to the next point:

Said medication is steroids and while I relish in the though of gaining all of that muscle whilst joyfully rubbing steroid cream on my hands, I can't bring myself to even fill the prescription. Why you ask?

Oh I'll tell you why.

I AM GROWING CHIN HAIR. Not normal, peach fuzz, white chin hair. Oh no. Thick, dark, disgusting, make me want to scream and wail and pound my fists on the floor, FREAKING CHIN HAIR. Granted, there are only, like, two. BUT THERE IS CHIN HAIR.

I come from a hairy bunch of apes (Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Thanks for all of the features I love on myself but seriously, could we have avoided the DAMN HAIR? And the two of you aren't apes. I am talking about, er . . . my brothers.) and I guess I should have known this day would come. I was blessed with strawberry blonde hair on my head and white blonde hair on my arms and legs, so I should count my blessings (currently naming them one by one . . . ) and be grateful that I am the only person who can really tell when I haven't shaved my legs in a month or so. (KIDDING people. Sheesh. Only three weeks. HA!)

I just don't know if I can handle the chin hair, and the other random dark hairs I have noticed rearing their ugly little heads over the past few years. (I just thought those three black arm hairs were freaks . . . apparently not. And while I'm giving you TMI, I might as well let you know that I think I am also growing a happy trail on my stomach. I noticed a random hair under my belly button too. ACK!)

Let's see . . . Manly Dark Chin Hair + Skin Funk Steroid Cream = Possible to Likely Growth of Male Parts.

It's like I have the the Black Haired Oozing Skin Funk of Elderly Death for which the only cure is becoming a man. Super duper.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pop a water blister with a whisker that I shaved off my face with my husband's razor.