I'm finally back! Sorry about the pause there. Dontcha hate it when life gets in the way? Especially of BLOGGING. Sheesh. Thanks and kisses to Brilly for hosting this week. If you want to learn more about the rules and fun behind Soap Opera Sunday, you can go here for more details. For the record, I am a bad co-host and Brillig rules.
I am deep (DEEP)into the saga of my life so if you need to catch up you can go
---------------------------After Richard's message, I turned into one of THOSE girls. The weak, sniveling, lame girl who lets a guy get away with murder as long as he apologizes and says he'll try to be better. Except I was worse. I didn't make Richard apologize, I didn't call him out on how horrible he'd been -- none of it. I simply tried to make things go back to how they'd been before New York.
Shockingly, things never went back. I was making all the effort. I was driving to Salt Lake two or three times a week to see him and he stopped coming down to Provo. I was arranging dates and showing up to support him at his numerous sporting events. I was being SO stupid.
The one thing he actually did was call me every night before he went to bed and I think that kept me hanging on. No matter how late he got in, he'd call. If I'd just left his house, he'd call. Those late night conversations were (and in memory continue to be) the best part about our relationship. No pretenses, no acting cool in front of others, just talking about our days, our plans . . . everything. But as any dumb idiot (except me) could see, late night phone calls were not enough, yet I tried and tried to make them be. I was hanging on by a thread.
For Valentine's Day that year I got him a small present and planned a night for us to go out to dinner. I called him after I got off of work to arrange to meet and he didn't answer. He didn't call me back for four hours. We'd obviously missed our reservation and couldn't do anything. He'd been playing basketball at the church and thought that was much more important. I was already in Salt Lake so I went to his house to give him his present, holding my breath thinking he might have purchased something for me. Nope. Nothing. I handed him his present and said "Happy Valentine's Day!"
He looked at me frowning and said "I didn't think we were Valentine's Kate."
That should have been my que to run away, right? Slap him in the face and get out. No, of course not. That, in my head, was my que to try HARDER. Go to his sports events MORE often. Get him more little presents. I had to give it my ALL to show him how awesome I was!
This was the year that Salt Lake City was hosting the Olympics, so I had a week off of school to attend the festivities, so I was in Salt Lake a lot more. Richard and I met up a few times to go to the tents set up downtown to hang out and had a good time. The night of the closing ceremonies we had talked about meeting up to go watch the fireworks, so I arrived at his house with coats, hot chocolate and blankets. He had, of course, decided he didn't want to go anymore and that we should watch on TV. Desperate once again to spend time with him, I agreed.
We watched the show and it was great, though through the window I could hear the booming of the fireworks that we should have been OUTSIDE watching. Then we made out. Because, well, why not? I remember Richard's phone was ringing quite a bit throughout the night, but he ignored it since I was there (a step in the right direction maybe??). After the show was over, we were sitting next to each other on the couch and Richard made what would be a fatal mistake. He went to check his voicemail and while typing his passcode, said it out loud.
I immediately started chewing my lip, wishing I could forget what had just happened. I knew myself and I knew that I would NEVER EVER be able to resist using that passcode when we weren't together. I was far too nosy for my own good.
I lasted about three days before the itching inside took over. I will never forgt the first time I used that passcode to check his messages. I was sitting in my office at work with the door shut so no one would bother me. I picked up the phone, dialed his number, waited for his voicemail to pick up, pushed pound and then nervously dialled the four digit code. SUCCESS! I was in! He had no new messages and one saved message. Ha. Press 1 to hear saved messages. I was so going to listen to whatever it was.
What I heard was NOT what I expected. A female voice "Hi Richard! It's Tiff! Why aren't you picking up your phone? Why are you ingonring your fiance? I just wanted to tell you how excited I am to be your wife. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I was watching the fireworks of the closing ceremonies tonight and thinking about how much better it would have been to be watching with you. Hope you had a good night. Love you"
I started shaking and dropped the phone. My vision suddenly blurred and I felt faint. I put my head between my knees in an attempt not to pass out and stayed there with tears streaming down my face. As soon as I had gained some sort of composure I told my boss I needed to leave for the day and I drove home sobbing hysterically. Somewhere in there I called my best friend Sheila who raced over to my house to be with me so I wasn't alone and she held me for hours while I cried, and cried, and cried.
Don't be shocked by what I'm about to say . . .
To Be Continued . . .
**Disclaimer: Stupid Blogger turned off their spell check, so please forgive any spelling errors. I didn't know until right now it was turned off and I don't have Word on this computer. From now on I promise to spell check and all that stuff. PROMISE.
